Fighting "For" or "Against"

"I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there.

~Mother Theresa"


During a conversation today, it came up that Mother Theresa would not participate in demonstrations "against" war and violence, but only demonstrations "for" peace. She wanted to avoid giving any energy to the *negative*, and wanted only to direct energy to the positive and fighting "for" something. Being a passionate and intense person who feels deeply about justice, freedom, peace, and the right of all beings to live a full life, "battling" often are at the forefront of my thoughts and actions. So Mother Theresa's belief strikes a chord within me. Battling for good seems so much more uplifting and motivating than does battling against the bad.

The difference between directing energy toward the "for" rather than the "against" may seem inconsequential at first, and indeed the shift can be rather subtle. However, fighting "for" sets a positive intention that we can move forward with. It allows for positive change in whatever way it manifests, leaves it all open and possible. Fighting "against" is restrictive, looking backward, and requires that change in favor of the goal be measured by *stopping* something. It seems fruitless. Consider: Do we fight against cruelty to animals or for the freedom of all beings? Do we move against violence against women or for the right of women to live free of marginalization and degradation. See what I mean, the way that little shift in word and intention changes the energy around the goal? Of course, the two imply the presence of and movement toward/against the other...

Setting one's intention in day-to-day life is very much like choosing to fight for or against. It's a way of sending energy out toward the positive and what you would like to do or make happen, a way of welcoming whatever comes to help toward a goal, no matter what it might be.

The conversation I had about Mother Theresa actually had nothing to with activism in the socio-political sense- I just applied it to that- and more to do with personal choices around a chronic illness. Dealing with ongoing health problems can be extremely painful and challenging, and I much more often get tired and discouraged when I am fighting "against" the illness rather than "for" health and wellness. Mental and emotional fatigue comes more quickly and more severely with continuous battling of the negative and trying to stop the disease. But doing everything I can to promote well-being and decrease my vulnerability to illness has a positive vibe, the energy of hope and possibility, the peace of acceptance. That is what I am shifting my intention toward today.

Kylie Out Loud: Venting a Bit

One of my most difficult challenges in dealing with a chronic illness is simply finding a place to "be" and breathe within the expectations and opinions and ideas of those around me about the illness. These swirl through my head with my own notions of where exactly to fit in everyone else's "stuff", what I "should" and need to be doing to stay healthy, and how best to beat the undercurrents of negative thinking that pull me under and make the illness seem stronger than me.

The people who have some of the most important roles in my life have such fixed and different ideas from one another, all valid and useful in some way, yet also conflicting. From believing wholeheartedly that allowing an illness to *be* incapacitating is part of what makes it so, to seeing times of increased struggle for me as their own personal failure or as proof that I won't ever get better, to evaluating my every action and word to measure the need for caution- the combined ideas of those who love me can make it much more difficult to cope. So many opinions, taboos, better nots, better to's, have to stops, have to starts. They encourage me to seek support, but then they filter what I bring to them by reacting to what they want to hear and pushing away what they don't. It ends up hurting my head and sinking my heart.

I'm whining, I know, and I know that I am so deeply grateful and lucky to have so much love and support. At times when I am feeling overwhelmed, though, my worries about disappointing or alarming or alienating everyone else or what I might or might not be doing that will make things worse or affect someone in my life just add to the problem. The jumble becomes so scary and isolating... Who can I go to for support when so much meaning is attached to what I need support for?

Sometimes I just want a place to let go and sit with my own feelings, let whatever is happening in my body and mind just take form for a bit without worrying about shoulds and shouldn'ts. Sometimes I just want to "be" to figure everything out for myself. I crave permission to stop fighting, to rest, to hide, to collapse. I crave validation for what *is* rather than for how well I'm managing, how I appear to be coping, how well or unwell I am, what my thoughts and feelings about everything mean and how to change them to maximize my health. I guess , though, that validation ultimately has to come from me.